None Were With Him

Easter Sunday, and I stayed home from church with a cough and almost no voice.  Teaching Sunday School would have been difficult with a scratchy, sore voice, so thankfully the Bishop's wife (who teaches the class younger than mine) was willing to take my class today.

As I scrolled through Facebook before the kids and my parents got home from church, I saw many messages about Easter.  The video entitled "Because of Him" is an awesome one, and was posted by many people.  However, a friend also posted this talk from 5 years ago, by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland.  I always enjoy his talks, but this one included a little "a-ha" moment for me.  The video is 18 minutes long, but definitely worth the watching.  

Quoting from his talk, Elder Holland talks about the Resurrection...

"I speak of those final moments for which Jesus must have been prepared intellectually and physically but which He may not have fully anticipated emotionally and spiritually- that concluding descent into the paralyzing despair of divine withdrawal when He cries in ultimate loneliness, 'My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?'. . .

Indeed, it is my personal belief that in all of Christ's mortal ministry the Father may never have been closer to His Son than in these agonizing final moments of suffering.  Nevertheless, that the supreme sacrifice of His Son might be as complete as it was voluntary and solitary, the Father briefly withdrew from Jesus the comfort of His Spirit, the support of His personal presence.  It was required, indeed it was central to the significance of the Atonement, that this perfect Son who had never spoken ill nor done wrong nor touched an unclean thing had to know how the rest of humankind- us, all of us- would feel when we did commit such sins.  For His Atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone."

There is more to the conclusion of Elder Holland's talk, but this part particularly stood out to me.  While I have known that Christ's Atonement, his suffering, was not just for our sins, bur for all our pains, struggles, battles, addictions, and so on, the part where Christ calls out, feeling utterly alone, was not without purpose.  While Heavenly Father will never leave us, we can and sometimes do leave Him.  Christ KNOWS how we feel when we think we are alone, when we have taken the wrong path, when we don't have the Spirit with us.  He has felt it!  Even though He never did anything to make Himself unworthy of having the Spirit with Him, He finished His path of suffering and the Atonement for us... each and every one of us.  

If you can spare the 18 minutes, watch the video with an open heart and you will know the truthfulness of Elder Holland's words.  What a blessing to live in a day where we again have guidance from the Lord's servants.  

I love the little "a-ha" moments.

Bombshells

April 15^th, the beloved Tax Day in the U.S., became the day of the Boston Marathon bombing this past year.  I remember hearing about it and thinking about the horror of such an experience.  I’ve never run a full marathon, but I run.  It was pretty scary to think that a scene like that could happen anywhere.  Why did they choose a race?

April 16^th, was the day my life blew to pieces with a bombshell from my husband.  The carnage of the Boston bombing was much different than that of my situation, but I will forever link the two events in my mind. 

This year has been a year of pain, struggle, and grief, but also one of healing, joy, and peace.  I have learned so much… about who I am, what I want out of life, and most importantly, more about the gospel and the Savior and Heavenly Father. 

My divorce (which, by the way, STILL has not been finalized by the court), was a long time in the making.  I struggle with writing about this topic, not because I am ashamed or want to hide things, but because I don’t want to hurt anyone.  I want a record of what it REALLY was like, but I don’t want my kids to one day read it and have my words cause them pain. 

Our marriage had been tough for years.  No matter what I did or tried or didn’t do, I couldn’t make things better.  Toward the end, I honestly thought that if we hadn’t been married in the temple, I wouldn’t want to stick with it.  Things were that bad.  I don’t want to paint my ex as a horrible man.  He does have good qualities.  But there were things that I could not help him with, beliefs that I could not change for him, anger that I could not calm.  I am by no means perfect… that’s not at all what I’m saying.  While we did have many good times, they were fewer and further apart by then. One person cannot be the only one fighting to fix things. 

That brought us to this day, one year ago.  It started out like any other.  It happened to be payday, so I was doing grocery shopping while he and Mason were home.  I came home to drop some things off before heading back out, but never did get around to finishing the shopping.  We had an argument.  Maybe he was waiting for just such a moment… I don’t know.  The words of “Here’s a bombshell for you…” changed my life.  The “shared” beliefs, the marriage covenants made in the temple, were no longer in the picture.  As simple as that, he did not believe the gospel of Jesus Christ to be true, and had not for most of our marriage.  My one reason of remaining had crumbled to the ground, there in our front yard with the freshly dug weeds and mowed grass.

But even after all of that, the decision to get a divorce was not a rash or easy decision.  For a full five days I thought of almost nothing else (somehow my kids were fed… hmmm…), studying the scriptures, praying, and attending the temple.  I received my answer, even though others may not make the same decision.  The decision to divorce was not simple, but it has proved to be the correct choice for my kids and myself.  I have seen many instances in my life to confirm that my choice was the right one. 

One year later I am happy.  There is still so much uncertainty to life.  I don’t know how I’ll manage to work and being a single mom, when that time comes, but for now I’m focusing on school.  I don’t know if I’ll remarry.  I certainly hope that I will have that chance, but now isn’t the time to worry about that.  This time is a time for healing and finding myself again.  I’m reminded of a scripture from Doctrine and Covenants, given to Joseph Smith as he was held in Liberty Jail:

"And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." (Doctrine and Covenants 122:7)

My experience is nowhere near that dire!  Some days I may have felt that way, but in truth it was not as bad as the jaws of hell opening for me.  However, this EXPERIENCE, has been for my good.  I have come closer to my Savior.  I have learned to TRUST in the Lord.  I have learned more clearly how to receive answers to prayer.  It is often in our darkest times that we grow the most.  If only we could be more open to learning when we are prospering, right!?!?! 

I still have a long way to go, but I’m thankful for where I am today compared to one year ago.  Not that I want to go through another experience like this, but I’m glad for the good that has come of it.

#BecauseofHim

Because of Him, I can be a better daughter. 

There’s a photo challenge I found, thanks to an instagraming friend, Lavinia.  With Easter coming up, I’m doing the “Because of Him” challenge.  Today’s topic is above.

In the past I have found some photo challenges that I thought I would do, but then I always missed the first day.  That OBVIOUSLY meant that I couldn’t start it, right?  This challenge is different, and requires more thinking.  I look forward to reflecting on how Jesus Christ has played a role in my life in very specific ways.

Daughter…

I like to think I’m a good one!  Just ask my parents… I was the angel child. ;)  But how has Christ made me a better daughter?

I’m nowhere near perfect, and obviously have a long way to go for that, but I can try to follow the example of our brother, being obedient, humble, and teachable, etc.  As I have learned lessons as parent, I can see the opposite of how I should behave, as a child.  I am a child to my earthly parents, as well as Heavenly parents.  I hope to be a daughter of which my parents can say they are “well pleased.”

 

Photo from the amazing Justin Hackworth's "30 Strangers Project"
Check him out here.

Mom and Dad- they have truly been my lifeline.  I’ve actually thought a lot about that lately.  As the three of us attended the temple last week, I realized how blessed I am to have a relationship where we are so close.  We WANT to spend time together.  We WANT to take vacations together.  We WANT to hear about each other’s days.  Heavenly Father blessed me beyond measure with my family.  And because of Christ’s atonement, we can be a family for eternity.

Want to know more about the topic?  Visit www.mormon.org/becauseofhim.

The Fix (Days 1-5)

April 1st started the 21 Day Fix for me and my parents.  No, it wasn't an April Fool's joke... although by the end of the night I did feel tricked.

www.beachbodycoach.com/emilynavarro

The 21 Day Fix is a new Beachbody program that focuses on nutrition.  You still exercise!  With each program you get an eating guide that includes some recipes, etc.  However, this program makes clean eating SO MUCH EASIER!

Clean eating... what is it?  That was one of my questions.  I've known for quite some time that to get past this plateau of where I have been for years, I would need to change my eating habits.  But there is so much information out there.  I hate counting calories.  I've done Weight Watcher's many times, and it's always worked, but I felt like I needed something else.  Enter 21 Day Fix.

When I first heard about it, I was kind of like, "Cool.  I don't think it's for me, but it's a great idea."  Then I changed my mind and decided to order it.  Because of the HUGE response to the program, I, even as a coach, had to pre-order back in February, and finally got it toward the end of March.  As I looked through the program guide I began to understand what it means to eat clean.

You are given containers that correspond to servings of things like fruits, veggies, protein, etc.  Depending on your caloric needs, you are then given a set amount of each container.  BUT YOU GET TO PICK WHICH FOODS YOU PUT IN THEM!  That was huge for me.  As I've said before, I'm not the most adventurous of eaters, so many recipes that come from workout guides are not appealing to me.  Each colored container has a corresponding list of options, with which you either fill the container or eat a specific amount (try fitting a 2 corn tortillas or an ear of corn in a container!).  And that's basically it!  Each day you eat the correct, unprocessed, healthy foods that you choose.  You also exercise daily, but that's a given with any weight loss/exercise program.  21 Day Fix does come with set 30 minute workouts, but I've also been running, or doing a different program.

Day 1 was, honestly, rough.  I've had really bad eating habits lately, and I know that, but by the end of the night I was so full it was uncomfortable.  When I weighed myself on Day 2, I was up 1.4 pounds!  That wasn't how this was supposed to go!  But I've been figuring out how to eat smaller, more frequent meals, how to make better choices, and how to fit in over a gallon of water a day.  Did you know that you should drink as many ounces of water as half your weight?  I knew that, but never followed through with the knowledge. This morning, Day 5, I am back down, 1.2 pounds from my Day 1 weight.  It's working!

I find that eating clean takes much more planning and preparation, but I feel better.  I have to plan my day around meal times so I am not tempted to eat drive-thru food.  I also get hungrier much more often.  While the foods are filling, evidently my metabolism has finally kicked in, which makes me hungry.  I'm just so excited to be learning what I should be eating.  The calories in a donut do not equal the calories in eggs and turkey bacon.  While I have logically known the types of food I should be consuming, the application had escaped me.  The whole "ratio" thing, counting calories, and other ways was too difficult for me.  I'm a visual learner, so seeing the containers, having a list of foods I can eat, and knowing how much to eat has been an eye-opener.

And, no, this is not a paid advertisement!  While I am a Beachbody Coach, I'm just honestly so excited about this program, because it makes this easy.  I can't wait to see where I am at Day 21, and even beyond.  The 21 Day Fix will definitely give me the tools to incorporate clean eating into my every day life.  More updates to come...