Today was an especially hard day for me.
Mother's Day.
How is that so tough for someone who has two great kids (if I do say so myself)?
It's been a tough day for multiple reasons.
1. I'm sick. I've been blessed to get sick very rarely as of late. A couple weeks ago I had a cough/no voice, which then turned into a lingering head cold, but other than that, I've been healthy. Today I feel plain gross. I'm achy, my stomach hurts, etc. Being sick sucks.
2. It's my first Mother's Day "alone." I put that in quotes because I know that I'm really not alone, but it can feel that way. Last year my marriage was already done, but the paperwork hadn't been filed yet, and he wasn't even in town because his dad had been in a bad car accident. I do not diminish the blessing of being a mom. I know there are many women who long to be a mother, and for various reasons do not have their own children. I love my kids beyond words, and am thankful to be their mom.
But... I woke up today thinking, "It's Mother's Day. How is today any different than any other day of the week?" I still had to get my kids up, feed them breakfast, get their church clothes, make sure they brushed their teeth, went to the bathroom, got dressed, had shoes, had their hair done, etc., etc., etc. And that's all before 8:30! (Which is late compared to a school day)
Yes, I did get two wonderful cards, handmade by the little hands that I made. I love them. But it's still hard. It's a different hard than not having children when you desperately want them. Just because it's different, doesn't mean it isn't hard.
3. My grandma died this past week.
Maybe the stress of that contributed to the sickness of today, but it has been a busy, crazy week, and I haven't really taken the time to let it set in. Tonight everything snowballed together and the waterworks started. And they won't stop! Seriously, somebody needs to turn off the spigot to my tear ducts. All of these different emotions, physical pain, and stress has made for a less than amazing day.
Yes, I am grateful to be a mother. Yes, I have an amazing mother (who is also one of my best friends)!
Today was rough. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
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